// Living instead of leaving //
Saturday morning after a long episode of shift. I don’t know how I managed to push through. Every hour felt like a brick was smashed on my cerebral cortex. Thanks to caffeine and my family for stirring my soul. And to you of course, for always reminding me that I can and how beautiful I am even with my flaws. I’m sorry for breaking your heart every time. Please… remember that I love you even on every sighs and silence. Live longer. So that we could smash our dreams together.
She was slowly detaching from everything that she used to be. From friends to strangers, laughters to memories, and snipping her hair shorter than it should because that’s the only thing that she could do to mark the change no one ever dared to look at.
for a lot of us, 2018 was a time of grappling with change. realising that something that used to bring us joy doesn’t anymore, or something that was once comforting is now constricting. a year when self-reflection meant re-assessment rather than reassurance. the end of what was once a beginning.
so for 2019, I hope the confusion and apprehension that comes with unprecedented change eases. I hope you give yourself what you need rather than what you want, because that’s how you’ll grow with your surroundings. water instead of coffee, sleep instead of the internet, productivity instead of procrastination. establish who you are and who you want to be, where you are and where you want to be, why you are and why you want to be. if those answers aren’t as clear as you want them to be, that’s okay. you’re more than okay.
the bulk of 2018′s upheaval is over if you want it to be, because chaos only exists when we perceive it as so. onwards, even if you’re not sure it’s upwards.
